Decoding Stress: Insights into the Five Different Stress Languages

Decoding Stress: Insights into the Five Different Stress Languages

Understanding your stress language, and the language of your loved ones, can help you feel and communicate better.

Have you ever had an argument with someone and felt like you were both speaking different languages? Turns out that might not be far-fetched: Those difficulties in communicating may be due to different stress languages, basically a way of thinking about how you respond to challenging situations.

When we’re stressed, our blood goes into our body and out of our frontal lobe area. So our frontal lobe kind of goes offline,” Chantal Donnelly, a physical therapist, on stress. said the researcher, and author of “Settled: How to Find Calm in a Stress-Inducing World.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, the frontal lobe is responsible for functions such as self-control, emotions, and thinking. “We also have these cranial nerves that originate inside the brain,” Donnelly said. “They’re associated with communication and communication, and they’re compromised when we’re in a stress response.

So, when you’re in a discussion, you’re not speaking the same language — you’re having trouble actually communicating and hearing each other properly,” he explained.

This explains why you may have felt like you couldn’t reach your partner, child or friend during a conflict: You didn’t really understand each other at the time.

Donnelly introduced the concept of tense languages ​​while working with his clients. He realized that stress management was the key missing element in his treatment. “Stress language” isn’t an official mental health term, but the concept can help you learn about yourself and your loved ones, just like the love languages ​​that have become popular in recent years.

Below, experts talk more about stress languages, how to determine your own language, and why it’s important to manage your stress.

There are 5 different tense languages:

According to Donnelly’s research there are five types of stress languages, and many of us fall into one (or maybe a few) of them.

Imploder: This is a “frozen” response to a stressful situation. Donnelly explained that an attacker can feel hopeless, helpless and paralyzed.

Exploder: This is the “fight or flight” response to a stressful situation. The person may have a heightened reaction to a stressful situation. They may become irritable, frustrated or angry, or leave a situation they can’t handle, Donnelly said.

Fixer: This “belonging and befriending” response is usually how women react to stress. According to Donnelly, it can look like complacent, happy people, transgressive, and even “motherly” people who aren’t your kids.

Number: As in, a person who numbs himself to the outside world when things aren’t going well, Donnelly said. This person typically uses escapism – such as drugs, alcohol, online gaming, overworking, or excessive exercise – as a coping mechanism for stress.

The Denner: This is someone who has toxic positivity in response to stress and can be overly optimistic to avoid reality, Donnelly explained.

The first three — exploder, imploder, and fixer — are biologically based on where people go when they’re stressed,” Donnelly said. “And then the last two, the denier. And no, they are based on strategies that people try to use on a regular basis to cope with or manage stress.

Which one are you? To figure this out, Donnelly says you should look for stress response patterns in yourself and others when you’re having a difficult day.

Donnelly said I recommend that people ask their colleagues if they see a pattern, and realize that you might not agree, but step back and be really curious about it. What your partner sees in you.It’s really about catching yourself and your partner in these repetitive patterns of stress.

Keep in mind that you can fall into several categories of tense language. Or some people may react differently to stress in you: you may respond differently to your parents, for example, than you do to your partner or your boss.

The importance of knowing your stress language:

Just like knowing your own and your partner’s love language, it’s beneficial to understand how you and the people around you deal with stress. That way, you’ll be able to anticipate how your friend, boss, or partner might react in an argument, which can help with a calmer interaction and make it easier to gauge how they’re feeling. What is needed at this time?

Donnelly said, “Understanding the languages ​​of stress creates more understanding in your relationship.

I think [stress languages] are useful in that they’re fun and you can learn a lot about yourself,” said Christopher Hansen, a licensed professional counselor at Thriveworks in San Antonio. Although “stress language” is not an official medical term, the idea has its place in mental health.

Hansen likens understanding your stress language to being sick and not knowing what’s wrong. Once you’ve made a diagnosis, there’s a sense of relief, because you can finally put a name to what’s going on.

Donnelly said that identifying your stress language, or someone else’s, is not about pointing fingers, but a way of better communication.

Donnelly said “These terms can sound like labels, and I don’t mean to label people.” “It’s really just creating a framework or vernacular to have a way of understanding others in your life.

Also, it can be a good way to change difficult behaviors. It’s impossible to change behavior if you don’t realize you’re doing it. Understanding how you respond to stress can be the first step in understanding how you handle an argument or other difficult situation.

For example, if your stress language is “explosive” and you get angry during stressful moments, identifying your aggressive style makes it possible to stop yourself next time. , Hanson noted. Or if you’re a “fixer” and you cross boundaries in stressful situations, you can admit it and catch yourself before you do it again.

Other ways to handle stress:

Stress can wreak havoc on your mental health and physical health alike. According to the Mayo Clinic, it can cause physical symptoms like headaches, chest pains, trouble sleeping, and fatigue, in addition to emotional states like sadness, anger, overwhelm, and more.

Hansen said that “cumulative stress is probably the biggest cause of the development of anxiety and depressive disorders.” Also, chronic stress can lead to major problems like heart disease and high blood pressure.

These risks illustrate why you should better manage your stress, whether by understanding your stress language or adopting lifestyle changes, such as adopting healthy habits, so that you Can help keep cool.

Routine is the secret to good stress hormones,” Elizabeth Shirtcliffe, research professor at the University of Oregon’s Center for Translational Neuroscience, previously told HuffPost. To help manage your stress, you can try eating and sleeping at the same times every day, having an exercise routine and regular activities that you rely on.

These would all be ways to help your body predict the day and so it doesn’t have to overdo it,” Shirtcliff told HuffPost.

Donnelly suggests that in addition to having a good baseline for stress management, in a stressful moment you can try a body-up response instead of a mental response. This means focusing on your physical body rather than your mind. For example, do breathing exercises instead of positive thinking to bring your body into a calm state.

If you breathe in for a count of three and breathe out for a count of six, that’s going to calm your nervous system a little bit,” Donnelly said.

What to do if you are still stressed?

Stress can become unbearable after a certain point, and no matter how familiar you are with your stress language, you may need extra help to cope. – Especially since chronic stress, which can lead to heart health problems, is no easy feat. turn off.

Hanson said, “The litmus test of whether something is a problem is its impact on your relationships, your ability to work, your ability to have fun, your enjoyment of life.” It’s happening.” “If you’re withdrawing, those are all severe symptoms of depression or anxiety disorder.”

If this sounds familiar, it’s a good idea to seek professional help if possible. You can use databases like Psychology Today and Inclusive Therapists to find a mental health provider near you.

The biggest thing I always say [is]… it’s a sign of strength to admit you need help and get the right help,” Hansen said.